ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
bring money and cleavage
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
