areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
