The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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