After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
