I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
