oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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