Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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