My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
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He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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