I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
