I look better un-naked...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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