Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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