you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
