I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
