i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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