The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
