i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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