all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I stole a fireplace last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
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At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
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You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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