i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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