The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I cut my penus on the lid.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Your cock deserves a montage
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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