double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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