tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
