love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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