I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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