Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
