Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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