Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
