my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again