I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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