Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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