You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.