I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I chose taco bell over sex...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
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We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.