was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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