I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
