grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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