When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I am naked and annoyed.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
