Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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