I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
