Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
