just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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