when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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