The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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