worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
