I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
