i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Is it penis luge time yet?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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