When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
