wrigley field is MILF paradise
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
