well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
