my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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