Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I intend to get homeless drunk
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
