R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
