Screwed.edu
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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