Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I am available for nakedness
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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