If i could tip my vagina, i would.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
