im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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