shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
