Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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