All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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