p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
