I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
