and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
