She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
