I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
