well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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