The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's the barista slut.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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