It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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