babies were throwing up all over the place
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
