so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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