it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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