Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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