Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Quick, to the slutcave!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
