I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
