Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
