I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
