I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you made out with another girl for some wings
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
